Opening Eyes...

I’m not a naturally positive person. 

Just the other day while reading through some uber-positive posts on Facebook I said to Carson that positivity exhausts me. I’m probably not supposed to admit things like that. As Christians aren’t we supposed to be positive? And here I am a missionary of all things. One thing I’ve learned is that being a missionary in no way makes me more likely to see the sunny side of life. In fact, if I let, it this place can actually make life seem so much more bleak. 

My neighbors don’t all live in concrete houses.

 Some live in little huts. And those are not even the poorest of the poor here. Health care is a joke that most can’t afford. Many can’t afford to go to school. And so what if you can. School rooms are packed full of 50, 60, even 70 children. How much one on one teaching do you think they get? How often do you think the teachers teach to different learning styles? That's not even the tip of the ice berg. Bleak. 

What I’m learning these days is that being positive has absolutely nothing to do with my surroundings or my job. Mostly it is about opening my eyes to God at work. Learning to see all the gifts around me.

“So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, 

      drinking in your strength and glory. “

        -Psalm 63:2  The Message

If my eyes are open to see the gifts amidst the mess then everywhere becomes a place of worship as I thank God. And as it turns out when I keep my eyes open, the “drinking in your strength and glory” part just starts to come.

   “In your generous love I am really living at last! 

      My lips brim praises like fountains. 

   I bless you every time I take a breath; 

      My arms wave like banners of praise to you.”

-Psalm 63:3-4  The Message

I recently started following this blog by Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts. I don’t know much about the book aside from what is on the blog about it. Can you believe the local book shops in Geita don’t carry it! Ha! I’ve got some friends getting me a copy, but in the meantime I’ve already started my own gratitude journal. I just write down the gifts, the beauty in everyday because of God’s hand. And the more I do, the more I notice, and the more I find myself in that place of worship.

It still doesn’t come naturally to me. The thankfulness, The positive attitude. Today, it was scarcely there at all. But as I sit here reflecting, sick husband asleep, rambunctious toddler asleep, I see it. I’m slowly opening my eyes to the day that was too long and seeing all the good in it...

78- Fahid who keeps coming back for help, giving us the opportunity to live it out.

79- A healthy, needy, stubborn toddler who loves us like crazy and does sleep eventually.

80- Jello from America

81- toliet paper

82- 2 loads of laundry, fully washed, fully dried.

83- 3 days in a row of power

84- teammates

85- a negative malaria test.

On my way to 1,000....